It is the time of the year again when people do round-ups for the year that is going to end. I don’t normally blog so autobiographically, because I think it is lame and boring, but this year, inspired by my very old good friend, he is not old mind you but we have known each other for umpteen years, Mr. Teo, spelled without a ‘H,’ whose blog can be browsed at seymores.blogspot.com, I decided to write one of my own to reflect this rather eventful year of my usually uneventful life. Notice the long sentence? This is inspired by the greatest book I have read so far in my life which was authored by Salman Rushdie called Shame which I hope I can manage a little review of it later and I am here again trying to be autobiographical by telling you which book I had read which you would have known I don’t normally do in this blog and there again, do you notice the long sentence?
I started the year with a small buzz of bizarre. I paid a visit to the dentist which I haven’t done for donkey years (this clearly underline the fact that dental care is a luxurious privilege, which ironically the malnutrition working class who can’t afford good food that can’t decay your teeth need it more than the upper class). So how did mange to I afford it? I dug deep into my bank account to retrieve the money from my bonus to pamper myself with a visit to the dentist to extract my decaying tooth caused by cheap food. She was good and economical. She handled her toys very delicately. She didn’t make a mess all over me. She was gentle; and hard when the situation required. Getting any ideas? That’s why I paid her another visit a few months later!
Then it was all work and work until Horny Helen (this one can’t even launch a fleet of, no, no, no, I meant this one can’t even launch a ship) took a flight via Amsterdam, as you might had read, to Penang, ironically for a summer holiday from a country so near a country people call ‘The Land Of The Midnight Sun.’ Then it was all booze and booze which continued even after she left. I think this what they call withdrawal syndrome; you need to drink more when you are trying to quite drinking. As you might had read it again, her coming turned out rather ugly and I, of all people, the intellect, should had known it as history has taught us Helen is a cursed name of sinister omen which bring fatal fortune to whoever who falls in love with them, or in man’s supposedly shallow grasp of language, try to get under whatever she is wearing at that time. As you might had read it yet again, the unfortunate events turned out fortunate for a group of friends, bringing them closer of what was a clique of friends with many cracks of frailness before she came. I certainly was not around for the first six months of the year with them because of creative differences in opinion about the blog with Komtar Kovern, which I made a big meal out of it that time, but after Horny Helen left, the blog was re-launched but sadly we don’t have as much visitors as we used to.
Another sad note for 2005 would be my disposition from another group of friends which we call ourselves ‘fuck-up friends.’ I think it was because they did not believe my punctured tyre which I don’t want to dwell on the lowest point of my life in 2005 any further.
I think it is getting boring, or is it because this kind of autobiographical posting is meant to be this way?
Anyway, I did try to quit smoking early this year. No it was not one of those clichéd New Year resolutions that non intellect, undisciplined people always do year after year with definite infinite probability of failure as many years ago I did resolute not make any more New Year resolutions and I am able to stay true to my resolution till this day with extreme success. How many people do you know who made a resolution and able to follow it year after year? However my pact to quit smoking with a friend did not turn out so successful. Every time I gulp down my alcohol, I need cigarettes. I have to say they compliment each other, they go hand in hand. Not smoking while drinking is like going to New York and not go to CBGB & OMFUG which is of course a greater sin than calling Jesus a nigger because he is already black, you dumb fuck! Anyhow I could never comprehend why people go to New York to see Empire State Building, Times Square, Radio City Music Hall, Statue of Liberty, Ellis Island, Wall Street, United Nations Headquarters, American Museum of Natural History, St. Patrick’s Cathedral, Fifth Avenue, Brooklyn Bridge or even worse, Ground Zero. Why visit a place which is already not there? I understand it is the safest place in New York as terrorsits don’t attack the same place twice, unlike the Americans who had bombed Saddam Hussein’s residence countless times which make me wonder at times which side is more terrorising.
I think now is the part I have to do the ‘Best Of’ list. Please forgive me, I have never done something so autobiographical. The best book I had read this year has to be Shame by Salman Rushdie, the best film I had seen is Million Dollar Baby (a good film, but not great enough even for the commercial award of Best Movie from The Academy) and the best album is takk… by Sigur Ros.
And oh, the revelation of 2005 will definitely have to be House, the best thing on TV since X-files and my greatest achievement for the year would be the purchase of Desert Trek by Clarks.
There you have it, the worst thing I have ever written and to all the autobiographical Malaysian blogs out there, you suck big time!
Happy New Year!
(as posted by Green Eyed Bob, 30 DEC 2005)
