A few moons ago, Komtar Kovern’s cousin, Horny Helen of a place where the people speak North Germanic languages, took a flight via Amsterdam to this beautiful Penang. The moment her unbinded feet took her last small step off the airplane, a series of unfortunate events ran amok, like a blitzkrieg attack by the German Wehrmacht, turned out rather fortunate for the five people of Penang that you just met. However, many nights of hateful of sorrowful tears, bitter heartaches, foul-mouthed languages and stale Guinness caused by backstabbing so-called friends and cousins, robust lust and jealousy and an almost ugly dirty sex had to be endured before Penang could return to its boring squarely stereotypical self.
It all started when Valence Vallen jumped up the social class to attempt to bed a brunette white female which created an imbalance to the whole highly complex integrated sexual network of Penang. He should have known better that we are living in a capitalist world and the mobility of social class is rarer than finding a bishop who does not only ask the choir or altar boys to kneel down before God, but him too, and blow as hard as they pray, or maybe even harder.
Not knowing to Vallen, Brandy Brady had already set eyes on Horny Helen because the whore house beside Soho had never housed a Scandinavian employee before. So this was one golden opportunity he wouldn’t want to miss, and not to Vallen for sure because deep down they hate each other and love to let a girl come in between them and in this context I have to say only figuratively and I know they are fools for not letting it happen literally. But why can’t they just bloody share and since it is widely known white men have bigger dicks, then consequently all white women should have bigger holes too. So I am sure they can find a way to insert their two Eastern dicks into her or do the ‘sandwich’ manoeuvre with the girl in between as the ‘meat.’ I also believed besides than their lust, they were also driven by what I call, yellow men’s burden and that is to prove to the western world that Asians can be good drillers after the Japanese pornography industry proved otherwise. I have to give it to them for being so noble to carry this big burden on their small shoulders, or am I just mocking them here?
In the race to bed Horny Helen with spot on, or more accurately, hard on wits and foxy dirty thoughts, Komtar Kovern did not want to be left out too. He felt he is her cousin, so he should have more rights to her than anyone else since its family, or so famously claimed by Helen. Sorry I did not even bother to find out the truth. In the world of sensationalism journalism, between facts and legend, you always print the legend. If not, how the hell do you think The Bible could the No.1 bestseller of all time?! There were also some other accusations which I am just too lazy to write.
Pity for Glutton Geena, she was abandoned in all the hype for Horny Helen. Her social life took a stark nose dive and she was rather depressed due to the lack of alcohol in her bloodstream. Subsequently the depression caused her to eat more and her not so slender side of proportion ballooned to out of proportion with slender.
I guess I should stop writing now, my integrity could not just allow it anymore.
Oh wait; I forgot to tell you how rather unfortunate I was, so un-egoistical of me to always talk about my friends first. Remember I mentioned an almost ugly dirty sex? The other day Glutton Geena, high after a mug of beer due to her lack of consumption lately, said she would offer her body to me on my birthday and it took me weeks to shake off the effects of post traumatic experience which caused my performance at work to be at an all time low. Of course I declined it as delicate and polite as possible. I said I find her mother more attractive!
(as posted by Green Eyed Bob, 21 NOV 2005)
